Tears
by joshuaorrizonte
Summary: But Daddy was carrying me again and I loved that and I loved Daddy and everything was okay while I was with Daddy... (KxA, spoilers)
1. Daddy

Ehehe... I promised myself I shouldn't start this before I wrapped up the projects I had open already. However, I've learned that when my Muse orders me to write, I better damn well listen, lest Muse take the inspiration away. Needless to say this was NOT how I was planning on beginning Tears, but I rather like how it turned out. (No, it won't be from this perspective the whole story.)

Oh, and since I've completely slagged off on the disclaimers, I better put one: I don't own 'em. Please don't sue me. I don't have much to sue for.

* * *

_**Tears**_

_**Prologue **_

Mommy and Daddy were yelling at each other. They didn't yell very often but it was afraiding when they did. Now I was very afraided, because this was different, Mommy was crying, Daddy sounded very afraided, and I was crying too but they weren't listening. Then I remembered how I cried when I ouched my knee and Daddy hugged me and then I cried like that.

Mommy and Daddy stopped yelling and Daddy picked me up and hugged me and kissed me on the head. While Daddy was hugging me Mommy was stopping crying and then they were talking but not yelling and I could hear them. I couldn't hear when they yelled, it was too loud. Mommy said, "We can't go to Iselia! There's a human ranch right there!"

And then Daddy said, "Anna, the only dwarf in Sylvarant that I know of lives off those cliffs. You'll die if you don't get a Key Crest!" And I didn't like that, so I hit Daddy and yelled in my meanest voice, "NO!" And Daddy frowned at me and said in _his_ mean voice, "That wasn't nice."

And I frowned back. I didn't want it to be nice. Stupid Daddy.

"This is why I didn't tell you, Kratos," Mommy said. "We can't take Lloyd that close to a human ranch. And what if the master of that one recognizes me?"

"He won't," Daddy said. "Forcystus never leaves the Iselia ranch. He knows about you, yes, but he's never seen you."

"What if Kvar is there?"

"He won't be."

"What if?"

Daddy frowned again. "Anna, listen-"

"Do you want our son to be captured by those things?"

"Do you want our son to live without his mother?" Daddy said in his mean voice. "I don't! I don't want to live without you, either!" Mommy looked like she was going to cry again and I wanted to hit Daddy again for making her cry but I knew he'd hit back this time and I didn't like getting spanked, so I didn't. But Daddy didn't like making Mommy cry and his mean voice went away. "Anna, who am I? I was Cruxis' second in command. We've evaded them this long, and it won't take long. If we stay here for the rest of the day and sleep, we can go in the night and be away from there by sunrise."

Mommy looked down at her feet. "And how do you know this dwarf will help us?"

Daddy grinned. "Dwarven vow number eight: Never abandon someone in need. He'll help."

Mommy sighed. "All right. But we need to stay as far from the ranch as possible."

"Of course."

I didn't know what they were talking about but Mommy went down the stairs and Daddy climbed in the bed and told me to take a nap. I didn't want a nap so I tried to climb out of bed and fell and hit my head and cried. And Daddy picked me up and looked at the bump and told me not to do that again and closed his eyes and I guess I had to take a nap. So I laid down and closed my eyes too and then Mommy came back and she laid down and we all took naps.

It was dark outside when Mommy and Daddy woke up and I wondered why we were walking when it was dark. Dark was when we sleep. Daddy put me on Norsh's back while I was still sleepy and then when I was awake he picked me up off Norsh and I got to ride on Daddy's shoulders and it was the funnest thing ever.

I love my Daddy.

We went into some woods and it was scary and I wanted to cry but Daddy told me to be very quiet so I did. Then Norsh started barking and Daddy yelled and I was afraided so I held on Daddy's head tight and Daddy yelled louder and I cried and Mommy laughed. I wondered why Mommy laughed and asked her and then Daddy put me down and made me walk. Mean Daddy.

And then we started walking up and I was tired and I asked Daddy to let me ride his shoulders again and Daddy said, "No, you know you're not allowed to ride Daddy's shoulders when you pull his hair," and I said"But I was afraided!" and Daddy said, "Scared." And I said, "What?"

Daddy didn't answer me and went up to a rock and climbed up on it and looked around. "I think we're almost past the ranch," he said, then Norsh jumped up on the rock with Daddy and Daddy was surprised and he fell down and said a word I never heard before and Mommy yelled at him for volgir lingwich. And I wondered if a lingwach was like a sammich and I asked Daddy and he didn't answer so I asked louder, and he said, "No."

And then Mommy said in her mean voice, "Honestly, Kratos, do you want Lloyd to learn words like that?" And Daddy's face turned red and he said in his make Mommy happy voice, "Sorry." But Mommy wasn't not happy. Silly Daddy.

And then a scary looking man was there and he said to Daddy, "Well, look what we have here. The rogue Angel, the escaped host body and their putrid little spawn." The man had pointy ears and looked like a cat and there were lots of scary looking people with him. Daddy yelled at him and Mommy turned around and ran and Daddy picked me up and ran too, and his chest was going thump thump thump thump really loud and I think he was afraided.

But Daddy was carrying me again and I loved that and I loved Daddy and everything was okay while I was with Daddy.


	2. A Destined Chance Meeting

Here's chapter 1. I'm worried the format of this will be confusing; more or less, first part- anything in first person, not in italics, is Anna's POV. Anything in third person is Kratos (second half of the chapter). Anna's narration revolves around their meeting, Kratos' around the aftermath of "that day." I've done dual-narrations before, but never like this and I'm not sure I can pull it off; constructive critism is GREATLY appreciated.

That said: Enjoy.

* * *

I turned around a few times, trying to get my bearings. I was almost to Asgard, I knew, but I wasn't sure how far it was- or where, exactly. If I followed the mountains to the west, going south, I would definitely find it eventually, but the sky was overcast, I had no map, no compass, and no idea which way was west. 

Something unusual caught my eye. A purple-clad man, kneeling, sword drawn. I cocked my head slighty as I watched him for a few minutes; he didn't move, even on a particularly viscious blast of cold wind. I frowned and headed towards him; as I drew closer, it became apparent that he was injured, and pretty badly at that.

He noticed me when I was about ten feet away, and staggered to his feet, sword at ready. I raised my hands in a surrendering gesture. "Take it easy, there, I'm not going to hurt you!"

The man started to speak, choked on his words, tried again and fell back to his knees. I closed the distance between us, and knelt in front of him. The worst of his wounds was one in his swordarm; his shoulder, to be exact. I blanched as I looked at it. It seemed that whatever did that _really_ wanted this man dead. It also seemed to have been done by one of the Desians' serrated blades. _So he's chased by those cretins too..._

He was bleeding pretty badly from it. I drew my pack from my back and opened it; he hissed in protest. "Stop that," I scolded. "That's a pretty rude way to treat someone who's trying to help."

"Why?"

I looked up at him from my pack. His brown eyes were almost feral, mistrusting and paranoid. A thin line of blood trailed down his chin from the corner of his mouth, and his auburn hair was mussed, although I suspected that was it's normal state. He would have been handsome, if not for the dirt and blood smeared on his face. "Because," I said pertly, "I'm a nice person. And you're going to bleed to death if that isn't taken care of." He laughed at this, although it was a harsh, unjoyful sound that sent a shiver down my spine. Whatever they had done to him, the Desians had certainly put this man through the ringer. I sighed and resumed rummaging through my pack until I found what I was searching for: a roll of bandages. I ordered him to hold still and began wrapping the wound.

He did hold still, watching me with those mistrustful brown eyes the whole time. The tension in his back and shoulders seemed to say he expected me to jab at the wound at any time; partly to just be spiteful of this, I was especially cautious not to hurt him.

After five minutes or so, I sat back, looking at my handiwork. Those first-aid classes the priests gave in Luin really paid off, I thought proudly. The man and I had a staring match for a number of moments; then he averted his eyes. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"Don't mention it. Treat others as you would be treated, I say." I smiled at him, but he had gone silent again. "Where are you headed?"

He shook his head, looking off in the distance. "I'm just wandering."

"Oh." I really didn't want to just leave him here, but getting him to come with me was going to be difficult, I could tell. I extended a hand to him. "My name's Anna." He looked at my hand, then at me, and didn't move. "Wow, you're personable," I commented sourly.

"And you're stupid."

The shock at being insulted by the man who's life I just probably saved was almost too much for me. I frowned hard, and started to protest his continued rudeness when he spoke again: "I could have killed you the moment you finished binding this wound, if I wanted to."

A gust of wind blew my hair in my face; I tossed my head to get it out again. "But you obviously don't want to."

His eyes glittered with something I couldn't identify. "Don't I?" I blanched and froze; usually my instincts about people were dead on, but... was I wrong this time? "How do you know that?"

I shivered again at the icyness in his voice and pointed to his shoulder. "You're being chased by Desians, too," I stated, as if that was an acceptable answer. I knew it wouldn't be for this stranger, and I was right. He snorted and drew himself to his feet with a wince, and lifted his sword. I cringed, but the motion was to sheath it. I couldn't bring myself to relax now as he stared down at me. Expectantly. "Wh-what?"

"Are you planning on staying on the ground, or are you going to get up?" The quip was accompanied by his hand being extended down to me; I purposely ignored it and stood myself. Whoever this person was, the Desians could keep him for all I cared. Jackass.

I was about to take my leave of this unpleasant man when a gust of wind whipped past us. The scarf I wore around my neck fluttered in the wind briefly, and then was blown off. I made a grab for it with a surprised cry, and to my surprise the man did as well. He was the one who caught it; he turned to me and extended it, then stopped and gasped, his eyes going wide as they fixed on my neck. "You're..!"

My hands went to the jewel that was there, an overly ornate thing that the Desians had attached to me when I arrived at that ranch. I didn't like how this person was looking at it. "May I have my scarf back, please?" I asked, subdued by my self-consciousness.

He handed it to me and I wrapped to back around my shoulders and throat, taking note that the man's jaw still hadn't come up from the ground. I wondered if he knew anything about this thing; it was different than what the others at the ranch had put on them, and I was treated much differently, an odd cross of extreme cruelty and care. He managed to recover from his slack-jawed staring after a moment, and held out his hand. "My name is Kratos," he said, his voice softened _significantly_.

I, again, ignored his hand. "That's nice. By the way, I'm pretty sure this isn't worth anything, so you can drop the friendly act."

He frowned and dropped his hand. "I'm not interested in it for that. I've... never seen an Exsphere like that one."

"Is that what this is called?" I asked, curious now.

He nodded. "You said you were being chased by Desians. I would assume that if they're after you, it's for that Exsphere. Escapes are more common than they'd have us humans believe; they almost never follow them."

I tilted my head to the side, curiosity growing into intrigue. "You seem to know an aweful lot about Desians." He couldn't have been one of them, he was, very clearly, human; although I had seen half-elves with rounded ears instead of the token pointed. But that wound was obviously inflicted by a Desian weapon. A defector...?

Kratos paused before answering my inquiry. "I've done some research on them. I am a mercenary; I was hired by a wealthy merchant to rescue his daughter, whom had been taken to the Asgard Ranch. I was... discovered."

I narrowed my eyes at him slightly. That was impossible. For him to have gotten out as far as he had, and been in the battle that gave him those injuries- and it had to have been quite a fight, as he looked like he knew how to use his blade- he had to have infiltrated the ranch while I was still there-and there had been no alarm prior to my escape. He couldn't have gone past me while I was in Luin getting supplies, I was only there for fifteen minutes at the most. "Well, that sucks," I said, chosing to play whatever game he was up to, for the time being. "Did they discover who you were trying to rescue? If they did, she's probably going to be executed."

He shook his head, an odd expression on his face. "I carry nothing on me that could indicate my target on jobs such as this one."

"Well, that's good." I looked around, discovering to my dismay that I was more lost than I had been when I spotted Kratos. "You wouldn't happen to know which direction Asgard is in, would you?"

"I do, but it would not be wise to go there right now." He closed his eyes briefly, thinking, then looked at me again. "It would be better to go to Lake Umacy for now. Since they didn't find you in Luin, they're going to go right to Asgard."

"How did you know I was in Luin?" I demanded.

His eyes flickered with that strange emotion again; "I did not. Luin is the city closest to the ranch. It stands to reason that would be the first place they searched."

"So how do you know they didn't find me there?"

Now he looked exasperated. "You're here now, aren't you?"

I couldn't argue with that logic, and chose to shrug instead. "Don't get mad. You know as well as I do I can't trust anyone." A tight, ironic smile touched his lips, probably remembering how I immediately trusted him without knowing anything about him. "So, Lake Umacy. Lead on."

He nodded and we started walking, me following his lead. If he meant me harm, he had a nasty surprise coming, I thought as I fingered the stilleto hidden against my wrist. Trying to be pleasant, though, I attempted to strike up a conversation. "So, where're you from?"

"Iselia." The answer was too quick, and I had him in what I could swear was lie number two. I'd been to Iselia, many times. I'd never seen him there, nor had I _ever_ heard his name in the village. _Ever_.

"I see." I gave him a faux smile. "I'm from Luin."

"I know. You've got the accent."

I made a face at him. "I don't have an accent!"

"Of course you don't." I debated whether or not Martel would forgive me for putting my knife in his back for simply being an asshole. I sighed as I decided she probably wouldn't appreciate that from someone who wanted to become a High Priestess in her church and made do with fantasies of having seen the man and completely ignoring his plight.

Or of shoving him in the lake we had come up on. Oh, sweetness...

_**splash!**_

_What the hell was that for!_

_Well, you are all dirty and bloody. Didn't you want to get clean?_

"What are you chuckling about?" Kratos asked me, his expression completely bland.

"Oh, nothing," I replied sweetly, relishing the thought.

"Hmph." He knelt at the side of the lake and scooped a handful of water up, then, before it could flow from his fingers, he splashed it over his face and used the end of his cloak to wipe it off. Then he dipped both hands in and rubbed them together; I assumed he was trying to get the various stains off them, too. I turned my attention to our surroundings as he washed up; the lake was certainly beautiful. This was one of the few attractions of the area I had never been to, and now that I had, I had to wonder why the hell not. I guess sight-seeing just wasn't my bag. Of course, now I had no choice. I'd be doing a _lot_ of sight-seeing now.

Kratos finished his washing and stood, looking around, and I finally got a good look at him. I was right. Without all that crud on his face, he was quite nice to look at. It was too bad he didn't have a personality to match his pretty face, though.

I was about to ask him what he was planning now, when a loud bark startled me. I jumped and whirled in time to see a big green thing with huge ears bounding towards us. I screamed at the top of my lungs, so loud I barely heard the swordsman's yell for me to calm down. The creature skidded to a halt directly in front of my new companion; Kratos didn't look happy about it. "I told you not to follow me, Noishe!"

The thing whined plaintively at him. I could barely contain my bewilderment. "What the hell is that thing!"

Kratos gave me a sideways glance, not quite looking away from what I assumed was his pet. "A dog."

That was too much for me. My temper snapped. "Alright, Kratos, or whoever the hell you are," I growled. "I want to know who you are and what you want with me and I want to know _right now_."

He did look at me now, looking slightly puzzled. "I do not understand your sudden hostility."

Oh dear Martel, he was stupid, too... "Let me lay it out for you then. You didn't get injured trying to rescue someone from the Asgard ranch, you're not from Iselia, and _that_-" I pointed at the "dog"- "is not a dog!"

My anger was fanned as I studied his face. A grin was tugging at his mouth and he looked away, covering the lower half of his face as his shoulders shook slightly. This jerk was _laughing_ at me! "Anna," he said finally, no hint of his mocking in his voice, "I've told you who I am. You can chose to believe me or not."

"Whatever. Look, I don't know who you are or what your deal is, but I'm not following you. I'm glad I could help you before, but I think I'm going to be on my way."

"Where are you going?"

"Asgard," I said over my shoulder as I walked away.

He heaved a sigh. "Very well," he muttered wearily and fell into step behind me.

After a few feet I scowled over my shoulder at him. "Go away."

"No."

"Great. I've got a stalker now," I sighed. "Why are you following me?"

I stopped at let him catch up, which took no more than four strides. "We're both being tailed by Desians," he said in a very patronizing tone, as if he were speaking to a slow child. "And you're interesting. Besides, it doesn't appear that you can defend yourself very well, should they-"

I cut him off with my stilleto at his throat. He hadn't seen me move, hadn't had time to react, and I smirked as the color drained from his face. "Oh? It seems to me that I can defend myself better than you can," I commented in my mocking sweet tone again, then flipped the stiletto back to it's hiding place and resumed walking.

I noted with dismay that he still continued to follow me. It was then that I decided that I didn't care. For all his lack of any social decorum, he intrigued me. If he left I wouldn't stop him, but I would tolerate him if he chose to follow. It was better than following him.

* * *

This city was familiar. Sand-bound, hot. Too hot. He was hot. He couldn't breathe. Every muscle in his body screamed for rest, but he couldn't let himself rest. Not while his Anna and Lloyd were in danger. Not until they were safe. Not until they were away from Kvar. The child in his arms screamed, screamed as though someone were stabbing him over and over and over and over... 

"Shh, Lloyd, don't cry, please don't cry... Everything's okay, we'll get Mommy help and then everything will be okay..." but the child seemed unnaturally light and limp in his arms. He looked down at his son and his heart stopped at what he saw.

Blood. A mass of a bloody mess. He dropped the bundle of gore with a cry; the bloody bundle disappeared the moment it hit the ground, leaving behind only a tattered, torn, thoroughly-loved stuffed rabbit with only one eye.

He didn't quite comprehend it when he hit the ground beside it. A voice, a woman's voice, screaming, "Oh dear Martel! Someone get the healer! _Hurry!_"

_It started as a faint sound. Faint, but unmistakeable. Lloyd was crying. Somewhere. I spun around, scanning the darkened forest for my son and calling out to him. His voice seemed to be the air itself, all around and engulfing me. I thanked Martel for my Angelic sight, otherwise I wouldn't be able to see; the canopy above was so thick that the night sky could not be seen, the moon's light couldn't reach. "I'm coming, Lloyd," I called out to him. "Just keep making noise! I'll find you!" Again, I looked around, still unable to discern the direction from which my son's sobs came, and arbitrarily picked a direction._

_As I walked, his cries got louder. I couldn't tell if it was because I was nearer to him, or because he was growing more frightened. Or if he was being hurt. I began jogging at that thought, calling to him with a bit more urgency. I had to let him know that I was there, that I was coming for him._

_Still his cries grew, and still they seemed to be coming at me from all directions, but now I could hear a word amist the sobs: "Daddy!" Over and over and over again, my god something was hurting him. He sounded in pain. I had to find him! I broke into a full run, frantic now, screaming my son's name, desperate to find him. All the while his cries and calls grew, echoing in my head, shifting in and out through the trees like a malevolent wind, and the accusation now in his cries reverberated in my very soul. I'd run as far as I could, I hadn't the strength to keep going. Lloyd's screams of agony and disappointment wrapped themselves around me like a vice, threatening to suffocate me. "I'm sorry!" I choked out, over and over again, but still my son accused.._

Kratos awoke abruptly as the woman hit the ground and the lantern she carried clattered to the floor. A few moments passed before he realized what he had done. "Goddess," Kratos breathed, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and moving to help the woman on the floor. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry!"

The woman accepted Kratos's hand and pulled herself up. "No, don't worry. I should have known better than to wake you with touch, with that kind of night terror you were in."

"Night... terror?"

"Yes," said the innkeep from the door. "You were screaming loud enough to wake the dead."

Kratos flinched at the analogy, but ignored it. "Where am I?"

"You're in Triet. You stumbled into the city a mess a few days ago," the woman told him. "We've taken care of you while you rested."

"I... Thank you."

The woman cleared her throat. "Who is Lloyd?"

He hesitated for a moment. He couldn't bring himself to speak his child's name. "He is... was... my son."

The woman glanced back at her husband. "That makes sense," he said gruffly, and strode forward. "This belonged to him, I assume."

Kratos took the raggedy stuffed toy rabbit, gazing at it, barely believing it was in his numb hand. "Yes," he said flatly.

"You were delirious when you arrived," the woman said. "You kept telling that toy to stop crying and everything would be all right."

"I... see..."

Silence descended again. "May we ask what happened?" the innkeep asked.

Kratos set the toy gently down on his bed. "You may ask, but I'm not sure... I can't... talk about..."

The woman put a hand on his shoulder. "Now then, that's okay. We know all we need to for now. You just concentrate on getting your strength back."

The innkeep nodded his agreement. "Just let us know if you need anything."

"Th...thank you."

The pair left, shutting the door behind him; he heard her say, very faintly, "That poor man. It must have been Desians."

Kratos let out a long string of obscenities at Yggdrasill and his angelic hearing. He could have done without hearing that. Once he'd spoken ever curse he knew in every language he knew, Kratos turned back to the bed and picked up the rabbit. Bun-Bun. That's what Lloyd called the thing. Kratos wanted to do away with it for months, but Anna scolded him- very harshly- every time Kratos mentioned it. It was worn, it was tattered, it was missing an eye and there wasn't a centimeter of the thing that hadn't been covered in baby drool at one point or another. Kratos would have been happy to get Lloyd another toy in exchange for getting rid of this ugly thing, but both his wife and son protested the proposition. Loudly.

Kratos settled down in bed again, pulled the covers over his head, and hugged the stuffed toy with all of his strength. Again, he slept.


	3. The Legend of Lake Umacy

I smirked in satisfaction as Kratos and I moved freely about Asgard, unmolested by Desians. A trip to the general store replenished my first aid supplies, and Kratos spent his time in the armory, surprising me when he handed me a new dagger and a light breastplate designed for women. I took them hesitantly, eyeing him in suspicion. "I'm not paying you back for these."

He looked surprised. "You're right, I'm paying you back for helping me."

_Damn. Damn damn damn. Jerk, making me feel bad..._ I glared at him for the unintentional barb. He didn't seem to notice. "We've been lucky so far," he commented, agitated. "If you're ready, we should leave."

"Didn't I say I wasn't following you?" I snapped. "Just admit it. You were wrong. I'll do what I want and-" I was cut off by him lunging at me, clamping a hand over my mouth and jerking me into an alley between two buildings. I struggled against him, trying to yell against his hand, but I stilled myself when he whispered, harshly, "_Desians_." I could almost hear the unspoken "I told you so," in his tone.

I held absolutely still and he took his hand away from my mouth, but still held me against him. He himself was absolutely motionless but for his slow breath, and I scanned my scant view from the alley for these Desians that had startled him so. If he was just trying to scare me into obeying him, I swore I was going to-

My thoughts on what I would've like to do to him halted as a familiar figure came into sight, one that scared and sickened me. "Kvar," I whispered, resulting in Kratos' hand back over my mouth. Now I couldn't even feel him breathing, and I noted that I was holding my breath as well. After what could have possibly been an eternity, Kvar moved on, with his Desian guard. Kratos took his hand from my mouth and gave me a slight push. "Run," he said quietly, and I obeyed, Kratos two steps behind me. I didn't know if the Desians had seen us, if they were chasing us, I just concentrated on getting to the city gates.

I stopped at the gates and for the first time looked back; Kratos skidded to a halt in front of me. "Noishe!" He called, and the big animal came bounding out from the side of the gate. Kratos pulled himself up onto the animal's back and reached down to me, looking over his shoulder into the city. "Hurry!" he ordered, his voice tight; I took his hand and he pulled me up in front of him, then kicked the animal into motion.

We didn't stop until we'd reached Hakonesia Peak, when he twisted around to look behind us, then spoke a sharp command to stop and Noishe obeyed. Kratos slid off his back, his expression dark and thoughtful. "They haven't followed us yet," he said. "I think we got away without being seen."

"That's good," I replied, relieved. I swung my leg over Noishe's back so both feet dangled over the same side and dropped to the ground as well.

Kratos shook his head, staring off in the direction of Asgard. "No. I moved without thinking. They'll keep searching south. We have only as far as Palmacosta to go; I'm assuming you have no sort of personal identification, and I doubt you'd be granted passage on a ship without one. We'd be trapped if we kept going south."

"And we can't just go back the way we came," I said, leaning against Noishe; he whined and licked me lightly on the cheek. I laughed and rubbed his snout, elliciting a happy-sounding whine.

Kratos watched this for a moment, a slight smile tugging at his lips. "I suppose if Noishe likes you, I should probably try to."

His comment scored him a strange look from me and a soft growl from Noishe. "Why?"

"Noishe doesn't normally like strangers."

I snorted in a very unlady-like manner and resumed petting Noishe. "That's not true. He's your pet, they don't come much stranger than you."

"Watch it," he growled at me, causing me to giggle. He took himself way too seriously. He _hmph_ed at my giggle and crossed his arms over his chest, looking around. He finally pointed to the east. "We'll go east, then north back to Lake Umacy. It's getting late, so we'll stay there for the night, and tomorrow morning we'll start off for Hima. They won't expect us to go that close to the Ranch."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked, irritated with him. "I'm not following you. We're not together. Remember?"

"I guess you'd rather take your chances alone with Kvar following you?" he snapped in response. "Fine, do that. I don't like providing services for free, anyway."

I gaped at him. What a conceited... "Excuse me? 'Services'? I don't need your protection! I escaped from the Ranch alone and got hurt less than you did in the process! If anything, _you_ need _my_ protection!"

That got his attention, and I questioned how smart making that remark was. "You have no idea who I am," he hissed at me darkly, his hand tightening slightly on the hilt of his sword; I cringed at the motion. He saw it and loosed his grip once more, straightening. "Fine. Go get yourself killed. And Kvar _will_ kill you the moment he finds you. Come on, Noishe."

He turned and started walking away from me, but to my surprise Noishe simply whuffed softly and sat down. After a few feet Kratos stopped. "Noishe! Come on!" He turned and his eyebrows shot up when he saw his pet staying loyaly at my side. Noishe barked at him; Kratos ran a hand through his hair. "This is neither cute nor funny, Noishe." The animal snarled and barked again. "Fine, you protect her if you want. I told you not to follow me anyway." Kratos' tone had a distinct flavor of hurt in it and I felt pretty bad suddenly. Kratos turned and started walking again.

I watched him and sighed. "Come on, Noishe. You know he'll probably get himself killed if we leave him alone." Noishe whined in agreement and stood, and we followed after him.

It didn't take us very much to catch up with him; I fell into step next to him and he glowered hatefully at me. "I thought you weren't following me?"

I returned his glare with as sweet an expression as I could muster. "I'm not. Your plan makes more sense than going to Palmacosta, after all. It just so happens we're going in the same direction."

He grunted in what sounded like amusement. It didn't take long for us to come to Lake Umacy, thankfully, because it was almost nightfall. Noishe helped Kratos gather some kindling and he lit it with a flint and tinder on the first try. Talented. I wondered at how smart it was to have a campfire when we were pursued by Kvar, but I chose not to voice this concern. He was angry enough at me.

A short discussion resolved that we'd use his rations first, then mine, and we ate in relative silence. I sat back against a tree, staring at the fire; his gaze was on the lake. After what seemed like a few hours of this, Kratos spoke. "Are you familiar with the Legend of Lake Umacy?"

"Vaguely," I replied, closing my eyes.

"According to the Legend, the Goddess Martel was cured of a deadly illness by a unicorn that sleeps in the depths of Lake Umacy," Kratos said quietly. "That unicorn was sent by the keepers of the Great Kharlan Tree for that purpose."

I smiled, but didn't open my eyes. "She must've been important, then."

"She was," he said solemnly, then added, "They say that the unicorn appears in the lake when the Chosen of Mana is born." He stopped, then offered, "I wonder if the unicorn has appeared."

"So look."

"I can't. The unicorn will only appear to a pure maiden."

I was going to tell him that it sucked to be him, in that case, but I had to admit to my own curiosity. I roused myself and went to the edge of the lake, searching the dark waters. "Is it there?" Kratos asked after a moment.

"If it is, I can't see it," I replied. "It'd probably be better for me to look in the morning."

Kratos nodded, then scooted backwards so his back rested against a tree. "You should get some sleep," he offered. "I'll stay up and keep watch."

"What about you?"

"I've been a mercenary for years. I am used to not sleeping for days at a time."

"Fine." I went back to my place at the edge of the fire and laid down; seconds later Noishe was laying beside me. I smiled and rubbed his side, but the smile faded as I thought of the events of the day. "Kratos?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you save me in Asgard?"

A pause. "Why wouldn't I?"

I sat up again and looked at him. "I've treated you like crap since we met," I answered. "I thought I was just returning the favor, but I think that's just how you are. Which makes my behavior that much worse."

He didn't answer me for several minutes. When he did, his voice was cautious and halting. "There are many reasons."

"So? Tell me."

Kratos sighed. "First, if you were caught, I could not guarantee would not help them find me." This irritated me slightly, but it was fair enough; "Second, Kvar himself came after you. As I said before, the only reason they would chase after an escapee is because that person has something they want, and if they want it _that_ badly, we don't want them to have it."

Again, fair enough. I waited for him to continue, as he had said "several" but he didn't continue. "What else?" I prompted.

He met my gaze evenly. "You do not need to know."

I made a face at him. "Fine, be that way."

"Go to sleep, Anna."

"Just for that," I snapped, lying down, "I don't think I will!"

Sadly, the next thing I knew, Kratos was shaking my shoulder gently and saying my name to wake me. I sat up and wiped my eyes groggily, wondering when it was that I fell asleep; Kratos seemed almost _giddy_. It wasn't something I truely anticipated from him as he pointed to the lake. "Will you check the lake for the unicorn?"

I puzzled at his obsession with this damn legend, but held my silence and checked. After several moments I gave up. "No, if it's there I can't see it."

He looked disappointed, momentarily, then the indifferent mask was back. "I see. I'll go ahead a bit so you can wash up. Noishe'll guide you to me when you're ready."

"Fine," I answered curtly, and his mouth twitched in a slight grin before he wandered off, leaving me alone. Now was my chance. I quickly got up, checked my pack and slung it over my shoulder; then, getting my bearings, I started walking in the opposite direction. I managed a grand total of five steps before Noishe was in my path, growling softly. "I thought you were on my side!" I whined at him, and he barked softly. I sighed. "Look, I know you're a nice creature, but _that_," I said, pointing in the direction Kratos had gone, "is not. I don't trust him and I don't want to stay with him." A slightly louder bark; I cringed. He was going to come back if this continued. "So you're going to keep me here against my will?"

Noishe barked at full voice and there was a rustle from Kratos's direction; I turned sharply as his voice drifted over to me. "Is everything all right?" he asked, sounding bored.

He had backed against a tree close to the clearing; he couldn't see me, probably out of respect for my privacy. Strange. "Everything's fine," I answered, dropping my pack sullenly and digging out some soap. I noted that he didn't move from his spot behind that tree as I dismally washed my face.

* * *

_Contentment. Everything I could ever want, in my arms, right now. Except for the fact that she was mercilessly poking my nose. After two minutes of incessant "Beeeeeep... beeeeeep..." I finally opened my eyes and set her with a stern look. "You're killing the afterglow, you know."_

_"Since when do **you** get an afterglow?"_

_I gave a quick look at the timepiece on the wall and closed my eyes again. "Since about fifteen minutes ago."_

_She laughed and laid her head back down on her chest. "Hey Kratos?"_

_"Hey Anna?"_

_This time it was a giggle and she turned her head to look at me. "What do you think about children?"_

_I snorted. "I don't like them and they don't like me. Why?"_

_A look of sadness crossed her face. "Oh. I was just wondering, that's all. What if you were to have one of your own, though?"_

_"That would be impossible. Angels are incapable of procreation."_

_That got a reaction from her. She sat up, her face suddenly angry, and I wondered, momentarily, what I'd done to anger her. "Oh," she snapped. "So I guess this kid isn't yours, then."_

_"WHAT?"_

_Almost instantly, the fury in her face shattered into a laugh. "Kratos! You just **squeaked**!"_

_"I did not squeak!" I protested. "What are you talking about, Anna? You can't be-"_

_"Kratos," she cut me off, putting a hand against my mouth. "How do you know you can't have kids? Have any of you angels ever tried?" _

_I shook my head and waited patiently for her to remove her hand from my mouth before answering. "It was just assumed..."_

_"Well, it was assumed wrong." She laughed at my still stricken face and laid back down on me. "You're going to have to learn to like children, Kratos. 'Cause we're having one."_

_"... oh goddess..."_

Sunlight fell across his face, rousing him. Where-? Judging from the heat, Triet, but why-?

Kratos jolted to his feet and made a dash for the bathroom, dry-heaving, nothing in his stomach to be purged. Why he hadn't thrown up when he first awoke was a mysetery to the man, but his body was certainly trying to now. After a few minutes his gagging calmed and he slumped down against the bathroom wall, sweating heavily. It was a matter of time before Yggdrasill came for him now. Why he had let him leave after losing that fight was a matter beyond the auburn-haired angel's comprehension. Yggdrasill had him on his knees, exhausted and defeated, yet made no attempt to force him back to Derris-Kharlan.

_Why?_

There were many "why"s floating in the man's head. That was one. Why he had been so careless? Overconfident, he was sure. Why had Kvar found them minutes before they would have reached safety. Why did his son have to-

Kratos leaned against the toilet again at this thought and his body managed to expell something from it this time, leaving a disgustingly sour taste in his mouth. The force of it left him in agony, every muscle in his back and abdomen screaming.

Positive his body was done involuntarily abusing itself, Kratos again leaned against the wall, wondering trivially why he couldn't seem to cry moments before passing out.


	4. You Weren't Disturbing Me

**A/N:**I owe my readers an apology. I really feel that last chapter- and this one- are incredibly sub-par. I made a critical mistake with the plot and I can't see how to rectify it, so I'm just going to forge on and hope it doesn't affect the quality of the story too much.

* * *

We traveled for days- around Lake Umacy north, then west between the ranch and Luin, and south to Hima; after that was Izoold, west to Triet, back to Izoold. We stayed there a few nights, waiting for the ship to Palmacosta. Surprisingly, Kratos wasn't as unpleasant as he usually was.

Then again, I avoided him as much as I could. He put a stop to that when we finally got on the boat; it was nighttime, and we were docked in Palmacosta, but were not permitted to disembark due to it being night. I was standing at a rail, looking over into the water, when he came up behind me, silently, and demanded, "What's wrong?"

I jumped and whirled, a hand at my rapidly beating heart. "You scared me half to death, you jerk!" I said in a harsh tone; I would have yelled, but I believed us to be the only ones awake on the ship. "I could have fallen in!"

Kratos tilted his head to the side; I could see a smirk on his face in the moonlight, but the expression reflected in the soft light in his eyes was one of kindness. A far cry from the caustic glint in the harsh sunlight. Now that I thought about it, he looked a lot... softer... in the moonlight. I shook such thoughts away. _Stupid romantism. _Not two seconds later, Kratos spoke, his voice hard. "If I startled you badly enough to fall in the water, you deserved it. The deck is creaky. You should have heard me."

"Well, I didn't!" I snapped.

"Anna, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I spat at him, turning back around and staring at the water. "Go away."

A few moments passed. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?" I asked in a disinterested tone. Ordering him away wouldn't work this time, either, I realized, so it was cooperate or let him make me miserable.

"You're treating me like- how did you word it? 'Crap,' I believe, was your verbiage. And for no apparent reason, now." I cringed; he was right. When we first met, he'd given me a hard time so I gave him one right back. But now I was doing it just because I could.

"I guess I'm holding a grudge," I said sullenly. "But you-" I stopped, sighing. Like he'd care.

He came up beside me; a sideways glance told me he was looking at me, frowning, as he leaned on the railing as I did. "But I what?"

"You're so hard to deal with!" I said, almost whined. "Like just then! You _scared_ me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack, and all you had to say was that I deserved it? I might be treating you like crap, but you're acting like a jerk." His expression looked taken aback; I sighed again and looked down at the water. "Whether you know it or not."

"I... see." He looked down at the water as well, silent and thoughtful. It infuriated me; the least he could do was apologize! Irritated, I stomped away.

"Anna."

I looked back at him, ready to yell for real this time, but he was still looking down at the water, shoulders slumped. I couldn't see anything but his back but I could tell he was sulking. "I will try harder," he said softly."

Was that my apology? But I suddenly felt bad. He _had_ been trying, and I knew it. It wasn't exactly his fault he had the social decorum of a boar, it was just the way he was. _Jerk. Making me feel bad..._ "Thank you," I answered. "And I'll try harder, too."

"Thank you."

Silence descended. Our conversation was over for the night. I laid awake, pretending to be asleep when Kratos finally came to our cabin and settled down on the floor... wearing his sword. The way he was laying- one leg bent up, hands behind his head- and that his breathing never evened out told me that he was pretending to sleep, as well. _Doesn't he ever get tired?_ was my last thought before sunlight hit my eyes.

Kratos was already at the desk, writing in his journal. Quietly I got up and looked over his shoulder, and stared blankly at the writing that was there. His handwriting was beautiful, but the words were completely foreign, didn't even look elven. "Did you think I'd let you read over my shoulder if you could understand what I was writing?" Kratos asked me, his pen not ceasing it's fluid motions on the paper.

"I didn't know you heard me," I replied.

He gave a short chuckle, punctuated it with a period on the paper, and closed the book and turned in his chair to face me. "It is the Angelic language," he told me. "Not many people know it, so I figured that my private thoughts would be safest in that language."

"How do _you_ know the Angelic language?" I asked, mystified.

"I spent a few years in training in the church of Martel," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand, and I gaped at him. What other surprises did he have? "It didn't take long for them to realize I had little potential as a priest." He stood, stretching slightly, then headed for the door. "I'll be waiting for you on the dock, when you're ready." Grabbing his pack, something he purchased in Hima, he left me alone.

Noishe pratically knocked me over when he saw me, yelping happily. I laughed as I petted his snout; the poor thing was kept in a kennel below quarters the entire time, all alone since he was so big. He didn't even have the "other" dogs to keep him company, poor thing. Kratos' lips turned up in a very slight smile before saying in that annoying monotone, "We need to keep moving," and started making his way through the marketplace. Noishe knelt to let me on and I hopped on his back, ignoring the looks we were getting from the people of the city.

We came up next to Kratos and he glared up at me. "Get down and walk."

"Why?"

"Because," he answered through gritted teeth, "we're attracting enough attention with Noishe without you riding him."

Noishe gave a low growl, but knelt. I sighed and got off his back; _Damn him for always being right_, I complained to myself as I fell into step next to Kratos, Noishe two steps behind.

We exited the city and walked quite a ways, heading for Hakonesia peak. It had been agreed before that our next stop was Asgard, hopefully we'd get there before nightfall. I'd fallen behind by the time we reached the House of Salvation that marked the half-way point; I didn't hear the Desian come up behind me as I felt something sharp and burning hot thrust into my back; _Oh GODDESS..._

I must've screamed at that point, because both Noishe and Kratos were on the Desian before I hit the ground. I heard Kratos' desperate voice and felt him shaking me before I felt nothing at all.

I wavered in and out of numbness for what seemed to be an eternity, my senses slowly coming back to me. The room was lit by candle light when I realized that I was laying in a soft bed, on my stomach, a searing pain in my back. I groaned and drew myself up onto my knees, wincing at the pain. I was bound pretty tightly around my midsection where the dagger went in; "Did you do this?" I asked the man who was sitting on the other bed, elbows on his knees and face in his hands, staring at the floor. He nodded wordlessly. "What's wrong?"

"I was careless," he said simply. "I am sorry, Anna."

"For what?" I asked sullenly. "You tried to warn me to pay more attention."

"Your negligence is no excuse for mine." His distraught gaze turned to me. "You should sleep, Anna."

"I've been sleeping all day."

"Half of it."

"Same difference!"

"Do as you wish," he caved, swinging his legs up onto the bed and laying down, hands behind his head again, and closed his eyes.

He fell asleep- or so I thought- after only a few minutes. I miffed slightly; he was really concerned for me, wasn't he? Laying back down on my stomach, I started singing very softly to myself, a song an elf had taught me a little before I was taken to the ranch. After the first two stanzas, I noticed Kratos had turned on his side and was looking at me; I immediately stopped, flushing at having woken him.

"You were not disturbing me."

I looked at him. "I didn't wake you up?"

"I was not asleep."

"Oh."

Silence again, and then, "You can sing, I don't mind."

"Do you want me to?"

"Do as you wish."

Smiling to myself, I turned away from him and started singing again, slightly louder this time. I sang myself to sleep.

When I woke, my back felt MUCH better, strangely, as if it were just a minor sprain. I wondered at my miraculous healing as we started our journey again from the House of Salvation.

* * *

_I was dying. I knew I was dying. You only felt this badly if you were dying._

_But I didn't have time to die in peace, oh no. I had a two-year-old demon to care for while his mother was out getting supplies. We'd stayed in Palmacosta for too long, and we already had someone who would take the apartment we were renting, as to not rip off our landlord. _

_Right now, my dear, sweet monster was crying in a severely obnoxious tone, begging for a bottle and refusing to drink from his cup._

_My head **hurt**. Normally I would've let Lloyd cry, but my head was screaming for peace, and I got up, retrieved the toddler, and carried him into the kitchen. I placed him on the floor and told him to wait a minute, going for his bottle. He wouldn't hear of it; he demanded to be on the counter. Not having the energy to argue with him, I picked him up and placed him on the counter, then took his cup and poured it's contents into the bottle._

_I then proceeded to remove my child from the sink, screwed on the bottle nipple, and handed him the bottle. He threw the bottle to the ground and I set him down, telling him that he could pick it up. I turned away for two seconds to get a towel to wipe up the minor spill that resulted, retrieved the boy from the garbage pail, stripped him of his clothes and diaper, and placed him in the sink and rinsed him off. Turning away again to get another towel to dry him with, I barely managed to catch him as he threw himself off the counter at the bottle. _

_I dried him off, reached down and picked up his bottle, carried him to his playpen a few feet from the couch and set him in it. He went far too quietly, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Taking this opportunity, I went back to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. When I went back into the living room, I nearly dropped my drink._

_Lloyd was laying on my pillow, on the couch, sleeping peacefully. "How the hell did you-" I shook the thought from my head, deciding that I'd rather not know and chugged my juice. I sat the glass down on the end table, very gently lifting my child off my pillow and settling down, laying with him on my chest. "Don't come crying to me when you get my cold," I told him; he barely stirred._

Kratos again found himself kneeling over the toilet. The innkeeper's wife had insisted that he attempt to eat something- he had gone a week without food- and he discovered that his body's reaction to it was just as he predicted: rejection.

Kratos managed to stumble to the bed. He had insisted that they allow him to work to pay for the room, but they reassured him that it was unnecessary. He felt completely and utterly useless...

He froze as his eyes hit the stuffed rabbit. A tightness clenched his chest; with a howl, he snatched the thing up and threw it at the mirror. The rabbit's one eye hit the mirror with enough force to crack it. Kratos stared at the damaged mirror for a few seconds before sinking down onto the bed, his face in his hands.

Why couldn't he cry?...


	5. In Your Arms

I trusted him after that. How could I not? He could have left me there. Despite my miraculous recovery, I was still slowing him down for weeks after the attack. I could tell our travelling speed made him nervous, but he never once tried to push me. I spent most of my time riding Noishe's back, but it was a week before I could walk on my own without pain.

We travelled from place to place, never really stopping. A few days in Luin here, a week camping by Lake Umacy there. Once we went to Iselia; Kratos seemed to want to check on something or someone. He came away from there very disappointed, but trying his best not to show it.

By then we'd been travelling almost a year together, and I discovered I was quite good at reading his emotions. He was most often content, as if this kind of life was something he enjoyed. I supposed that he probably did enjoy it, as it seemed he'd been a mercenary for quite a while.

We spent the most time in Izoold, as it was the farthest from any of the ranches and the Desians seemed to leave it alone. We never stayed more than a week, though- didn't want to change that with our presence.

We were coming out of one such week, catching a ship to Palmacosta. Again, docked in Palmacosta, unable to disembark because of the time. I was at the edge, leaning over it and looking at the reflection of the stars in the water, thinking. A cold breeze whipped past me and I shivered. _Wish Kratos were-_ _Were WHAT, Anna? Get your head out of the clouds!_ I snapped at myself. Such thoughts came to me unbidden pretty commonly nowadays, and each time I ran down his list of faults: _Rude, caustic, pessimistic, all the social grace of a boar, nasty-_ I stopped myself this time. He wasn't nasty, rude, or caustic to me anymore. Still a pessimist and had no decorum, but...

Again the cold wind, again the unwanted thoughts. I sighed. When I was just a girl I swore I'd never love anyone. How did I manage to fall in love with a sarcastic, blunt man like Kratos?

"Anna."

I jumped, startled, and whirled on my heel. "Kratos! You scared me half to death! I could've fallen-" I stopped short as Kratos _laughed_. "What's so funny?" I miffed at him, ignoring the thrill that shivered through me. I think that was the first time I'd heard him laugh. In love I might be, though, he still annoyed the piss out of me...

"I seem to recall having this discussion quite some time ago," he informed me, coming up next to me and leaning against the rail... just like he did that time.

I grinned sheepishly at him. "Don't jinx us. I'm liable to get stabbed in the back again."

He snorted. "You better not. I'd be tempted to leave you behind this time." He gave me a slight smile to show he was teasing, but his words still cut rather deep. I flinched inwardly and smacked his bare arm, forcing a laugh; I wondered how he could not be cold out in this. He'd left his cloak in the cabin.

"Are you feeling all right?" I asked in concern.

"I'm fine. Why?"

"Because it's freezing out and you don't have your cloak."

"I see."

"You're going to catch a cold."

"No, I'm not." It was such a matter-of-fact statement that I blinked, wondering how he was so sure he wouldn't catch a cold.

I was about to order him to go get his cloak when a piece of news from the captain of the ship came back to me. "Oh! We have to say here two nights."

Kratos raised an eyebrow at me. "No, we don't."

"Yes, we do. There's a moonlight ball tomorrow, and I want to attend it."

The look on his face was incredulous. "Anna, neither of us have anything appropriate to wear-"

"The captain said he'd help us with that since we're such good customers," I cut him off. "_Please_, Kratos. I really want to go."

"N-" I shot him a pleading look and he stopped in mid-_no_ and sighed. "Fine. But we're leaving first thing the morning after, so don't stay up late."

I clapped my hands and threw my arms around his neck in a hug. "Thank you!" Kratos seemed positively stunned and he tensed, then put his arms around my loosely for a moment. I pulled away, not wanting to outstay my welcome. "I'm going to bed now. Night night!" I sang, bounding down the stairs to the cabins.

The next morning the Captain of the ship took us to the local tailor, claiming to have favors with him. We were both measured- much to Kratos' consternation- and told to come back two hours before nightfall. We went to the Inn to get a room, and then Kratos disappeared after ordering me to stay in the city walls.

I got pretty bored pretty quickly. How dare he order me to stay in the city when he himself left almost immediately? I wondered what he was doing, as I laid in bed, having exhausted myself looking around the city. I fell asleep, and woke up with a start from a nightmare whose details vanished from my mind the moment I opened my eyes. I stared at the window in dismay- it was already dark out! I leapt out of bed and spotted the dress laid out across Kratos' bed, with a note on top of it-

_Anna,_

_You're going to be up all night now._

_I've gone ahead to the ball. Meet me there._

_-Kratos_

I snickered at the note and examined the gown; it was a gorgous deep violet velvet, a little darker than the travelling suit Kratos wore, with long lavender lace sleeves and a lavender cord belt. There was a hairpiece, too, a ponytail holder with a violet iris and baby's breath wrapped on it.

I felt a little sick to my stomach. This was a beautiful dress, and I was plain, to put it lightly. I felt guilty wearing it- it seemed to be meant for a beautiful princess, not a common Jane from Luin. I gave myself a last unsure look in the mirror before slipping out to the ball.

Kratos was easy to find; his messy hair gave him away, although I would not have recognized him at first. He wore a dark blue, almost a navy color, shirt embroidered with a gold design around the seams of it. It was a tunic-style shirt, and a gold cord belt like my own was tied at his waist over plain dark grey pants. Perhaps it was just that I was quite biased by my goddess he was _gorgeous_.

I called out to him as I approached; his gaze turned to me, confusion for a moment, then recognition and his jaw dropped in surprise. "I don't look that bad, do I?" I asked him miserably when we were close enough to hear each other clearly over the noise of the crowd and the band- which was _quite_ close.

"N-no, you're beautiful."

"Liar."

"I don't lie," he replied a little haughtily, as if I'd wounded his pride.

The song the band was playing stopped, and a new one started, a slow walz. I recognized the song immediately, it was the one my parents had at their wedding when I was six. "I love this song!" I squeaked, grabbing Kratos' hand. "Come on, dance with me!"

"No." He pulled his hand away. "I'm sure there are plenty of men who'd dance with you."

"But I want to dance with _you_."

"I don't want to dance. At all."

"Won't we attract attention if we're not together? The captain and tailor both seemed to think we were together," I said wickedly, "and we're staying in the same room-"

"Two beds," he snapped.

"So? Not everyone knows that, and I came right over to you when I arrived. People will probably think we're together. Do you want to attract attention?"

He scowled at me, but rose and took my hand a little roughly. I winced at his roughness; perhaps I should have just found someone else to dance with. Such thoughts melted from my mind when his arm wrapped around me and his motions softened as we started moving to the music. I lost myself between the sound of the song, the feeling of being in his arms, the crowd around us, I loved it all. I relished ever second of it, Goddess knew it was the only time I'd ever be in his arms.

But how did his face end up so close to mine?

The song ended, abruptly in my perception; I had been so lost in his eyes I'd stopped listening. It was over too soon, and the moment the last note played Kratos yanked away from me, almost stumbling, and then, regaining his composure, calmly walked away.

I was shattered.

I held my head high, swallowed my tears and made my way back to our room where I tore off the dress as fast as I could, changed back into my travelling clothes, and threw myself on the bed and cried as hard as I could.

Kratos was right. I couldn't sleep, although I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I knew I'd feel better in the morning. It was just the stupid moonlight and the stupid music and these stupid formal clothes that made me forget what I knew- _It was impossible._

I laid in the dark for hours. Just when I was getting drowsy, I heard our door open and quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Kratos didn't turn on the light; I heard him moving about the room, the sound of a zipper, and then his retreating footsteps. I opened my eyes in time to watch as Kratos, with his pack, shut the door quietly.

I looked around, my eyes used to the dark; he had only taken his personal belongings, none of our provisions or travelling gear. He obviously intended to spend the night elsewhere. _Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid...

* * *

_

_She is beautiful tonight._

_I'd never been particularly attracted to her. Her looks were average- I'd certainly laid eyes on more beautiful. Of course, I had four thousand years of people in my memory, most unmemorable. She was quite memorable, but not for her looks._

_Until tonight. I never really noticed how the color of her eyes set off the highlights of her hair._

_Ugh. Listen to me, I sound like a lovestruck fool._

_Now she wants to dance. I knew this was going to be a mistake; I can't dance. In fact, I was notorious in the Tethe'allan capital of Meltokio in my youth for stepping on my consorts' feet. I try to turn her away, but she's stubborn. Fine, whatever... _

_I let her lead. Martel knows that she will not be able to walk tomorrow otherwise. _

_Her eyes aren't quite brown. They're more a hazel color. She's got a little red in her hair, too._

_Stupid. That's the torchlight, idiot. But she is absolutely beautiful in that gown._

_Why is my heart beating so hard? And why in the goddess' name do I want to kiss her?_

_The song is over. I yank away from her, stumble slightly, and with as much coldness as I can muster I walk away. I don't look back, although I can hear her retreating footsteps with my angelic hearing. I walk right out of the town square, to a small park to the side of it. I walk up to a tree, put a hand on it, and bow my head, my other hand pressed to my mouth in disbelief._

_I'm in love with her._

_Dear Martel, my friend, what the **hell** do I do now?_

-tos?"

He looked up, startled. "Ah- yes?"

"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep phasing out like that doing the dishes," his companion- the innkeepers' daughter- informed him.

"I wasn't phasing out," Kratos replied sourly, briskly rubbing a plate down and handing it to her. She dried it, staring at him in concern. He'd finally managed to convince them that he had to do something useful, so he was put to work washing dishes. Under protest from the wife, of course.

Kerina, the daughter, set the plate aside as soon as it was dry, and reached out and took another plate from Kratos. "You're doing it again," she said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Listen, you can go back to your room if you feel like it."

"No."

"You've done plenty for today," Kerina tried. "You're still exhausted from your ordeal. Come on, go rest."

Kratos frowned at her, and responded by picking up another plate and washing it furiously. Kerina sighed and simply took the plate as he handed it to her, and his eyes glazed over again with memory and unshed tears.

Was he deliberately holding them back? He hadn't cried at all... she didn't know much of what had happened, but she knew enough to know that what he'd gone through was horrific. Another man might've been broken, but was he truely still whole? Or was this strength merely an act?

An act, she confirmed for herself as she took the plate from him, Kratos still looking straight forward. She had a very, very bad feeling... she feared for him...


	6. The Attack

"I told you you'd be up all night! Don't think I'm going to slow down for you," Kratos informed me coldly, in an annoyed tone he hadn't used with me in _months_.

I stared at him as he slammed his pack to the floor, yanked it open, and started shoving various pieces of equipment in it. He seemed to be in quite a hurry to leave, and quite angry. "What is your problem, Kratos?" I demanded.

"My problem-" _shove_ "-is that you-" _ziiiiip_ "-forced me to do something last night that I did _not_ want to do!"

"It was just one dance!" I snapped, exasperated with his sudden hostile behavior. "And I didn't force you to do anything! Might I add it seemed like you were perfectly content, until you stormed off!"

He gave a sharp, unamused laugh as he lifted his pack. "_You_ were the one content, not me. Hurry up, we're already behind schedule due to your sleeping in."

This was ridiculous; I was furious with him, and my mouth worked quite a bit faster than my head did. "I don't think I want to travel with you when you're like this!" I snapped. "Calm down or just leave without me!"

He stared at me for several moments, then, with an almost mocking calmness, unclipped his money pouch from his belt and tossed it to the floor between us. "That should be enough to buy yourself provisions," he stated in a mockingly sweet, pious tone. "Goodbye, Anna."

_Slam_.

At the sound of the door I threw myself down on the bed, buried my face in the pillow, and cried harder than I can ever remember crying. Once my tears had dried themselves out, I was left laying there, stunned. After everything we'd been through, I couldnt' believe he'd storm off because of one lousy dance. Did something happen after I'd left? Of course. That had to be it. He'd be back to apologize and tell me what happened, and then everything would be okay again.

Except he didn't come back that day. Or the next. And Noishe was gone, too.

The third day I caught the ship back to Izoold. The inn was a drain on the funds Kratos gave me and it was obvious, then, that he wasn't going to come back. He did leave because of one lousy dance.

I wasn't worried about my safety. I knew how to use my dagger, it was how I escaped from the ranch- by using my fork as a weapon. I'd stop in the towns as I passed, doing odd jobs to keep enough gald for food and lodging, when I needed it, and my mother gave me money when I passed by Luin.

Several months had passed, as well as several stops in Hima. I discovered that I rather liked Hima; it was quiet and it had a _killer_ view. As I paid for a room in the inn, I considered how much I dreaded sightseeing when I first became a fugitive. Now this little hamlet was my favorite spot because of the sightseeing. It was ironic.

I went up to my room and deposited my belongings, then decided to visit the tiny restaurant attached to the inn. Aside from a vendor outside, these were the only businesses in Hima, as well as the only building. All of the residents of the village were employees of either the inn or the restaurant; and they made the best hot chocolate.

I stepped through the doorway leading to the restaurant and stopped, my heart thudding as I spotted an auburn haired man nursing a drink, wearing purple and gazing out the window he sat beside. He looked like he was _daydreaming_. Fighting back a giggle at the thought of Kratos daydreaming, I moved to retreat back to my room, but it was too late. Kratos saw me, and very quickly and pointedly turned his gaze back to the window.

_Fine then. If you're going to play games, I'll play, too._ Resolutely, I strode into the restaurant to the bar and ordered a hot chocolate. Upon receipt of the drink I paid and took a seat at a table opposite Kratos, across the room, where we both examined every inch of our surroundings except each other.

Abruptly, so suddenly it startled me, Kratos rose, walked to the bar, and put his glass on it. Then he took a seat at a table directly across from mine and glared venomously at the table beside me. It was enough to make me look in that direction; a group of men, none of which looked the least bit decent, were leering at me.

One of them spoke in a quiet tone to the others, and, returning Kratos' glower, rose and left the room. Kratos looked towards the window and the moment he saw them walking away, he also rose, hand on his sword hilt, and left with one last undecipherable look at me. I suspected that he just saved me from a rather unpleasant fate, but my ungrateful mind simply miffed that they were going in the direction I was going to be going.

Curiosity was another emotion I was feeling quite acutely at that moment, and after several minutes it finally won out and I left as well, wandering in the direction that the hoodlums and Kratos had gone. I walked for quite a bit, frowning to myself. Perhaps I'd been mistaken, and he wasn't following them.

"_Look out!"_

Kratos' scream came two seconds too late; I reached for my dagger but my arms were pulled roughly behind my back, forcing me to my knees. I managed a look up at Kratos coming from behind a bush, sword drawn, before the man kneed me in the back and I fell forward, reeling from the pain.

Blood spilled, coupled with a sickening gurgle from my attacker, and two of the hoodlums were on Kratos. I stumbled to my feet and drew my dagger, stabbing one of the gangsters in the back while Kratos ran the third through. A fourth one grabbed me from behind; Kratos' sword came down hard at my shoulder and I screamed, only to be thoroughly disgusted when the man's arm fell off at the elbow. He let out a scream of agony of his own before Kratos put him out of his misery.

Kratos and I stared at each other, panting, before I frowned and snapped, "I did't need your help!"

"Good," he replied in an equally annoyed voice, "because I wasn't helping you!"

"It certainly looked like it!"

"Well, I wasn't! They've been harassing travellers in Hima for weeks, and the innkeeper wanted them gone."

"So I suppose if you weren't getting paid, you would have let them kill me?"

"Probably," he replied with a sudden calmness and a shrug.

My temper boiled. "You-"

A crisp, urgent bark pierced the air. "Noishe!" Kratos snapped, turning to the creature. "I told you to stay in Hi-" Noishe barked again, louder and more urgent, and Kratos spun around and dove at me. I opened my mouth to demand what he was doing, but I didn't have time to as he shoved me aside and a crossbow bolt lodged in his shoulder where the center of my back was a second ago.

He barely grunted in pain, but collapsed to one knee; I lunged at the leftover attacker with a shriek of fury and dispatched him, then dropped the dagger and ran to Kratos. "Are you okay!" I yelled as he leaned forward, limp.

"Stop... ye...lling..."

I blinked at him. "Why?" A rumble from the mountains told me why almost as soon as I'd gotten the word out; I looked up in horror to see very large boulders bounding down at us at a very fast pace. All the screaming that had been done in the fight had caused a landslide, and we were right in the path of it.

Kratos righted himself, scanning the mountainside we were against, and then wrapped his arms forcefully around me and half-dove, half-dragged me into a small indentation in the mountain wall, screaming at Noishe to run. All this happened in seconds; and then the rocks were on us. We didn't quite make it to the indentation; a large rock struck Kratos in the head and he fell forward, moving to wrap his arms around my head and covering my body with his. Thunder from the landslide deafened me, and then I was engulfed in utter darkness. I barely had time to acknowledge that Kratos was out cold on top of me before I passed out myself.

* * *

_I hissed, unable to hold back the pain from that particular blow; I would be surprised if my jaw wasn't broken. Across from me, held on her knees by three Desians, Anna was screaming my name hysterically, and that bastard Kvar held my son in a mockingly tender embrace as he echoed his mother's hysteria._

_"Are you ready to return that Exsphere to me now, Anna?" Kvar asked in a painfully gentle voice._

_"Don't," I gasped, indeed surprised that I could move my mouth freely. "Don't you give him that Exsphere, An-AH!" I screamed in surprise more than pain as one of the Desians holding me down touched his burning torch to my arm. _

_"How much more can we torture him before you'll cooperate?" Kvar asked in a sad tone. Good cop, bad cop, he was trying to get her to believe he really wasn't enjoying this, sadistic freak that he **really** was. The look of sadness deepend as he looked at Lloyd. "It would be such a pity if such a lovely baby were to get hurt because of his parents stupidity, don't you agree?"_

_"NO!" I shrieked in a voice I didn't know I had, wrenching away from my guards with strength I thought long gone, and lunged at Kvar with a ferocity I hadn't experienced in a millenium. Unfortunately, Kvar had more men than I had stamina and I found myself driven to my knees again, kicked hard in the face as Kvar laughed cruelly. "If you hurt my son, Kvar, I swear I'll-"_

_"You swear you'll **what**, Papa Bear?" he mocked. "It doesn't look like you can do much of anything!" He looked from me to Anna and back, and then to Lloyd and brought his free hand to my son's throat..._

_"Stop!" Anna howled, her head bowed. "I-I'll do it! Please don't hurt my baby!"_

_Kvar let go before his fingers had barely brushed Lloyd's neck, looking at me. "And your objection, Lord Kratos?" I ignored the insult and simply bowed my head in submission as well. They could hurt me. I could stand them hurting Anna, even, but not my child. "Very well. Release her. Anna, come to me; if you make one false breath, your son dies. Understood?"_

_Anna nodded weakly and the guards let her stand, and she stepped forward. "Anna," I whispered, hoping she heard me; I couldn't bring myself to speak louder. She stopped and lifted her face slightly, as did I. I managed a tiny, sickly smile as I said, "I wanted you to know that I love your laugh."_

_I didn't have an opportunity to see her response. The guard seized my hair and thrust the burning torch at my back..._

Red.

Kratos dropped the knife in surprise, staring at his bloodied hand. "Oh dear goddess!" Kerina exclaimed, reaching for a clean towel and snatching Kratos' hand. "I told you you'd hurt yourself! Now look!" Kerina dabbed gingerly at the wound; Kratos didn't move, just stared at it. "You got yourself good, it looks like. We should clean-" she stopped as she noticed that he was shaking, wide-eyed, and sighed. "Here, come on. I'll walk you back to your room. Mom 'n Dad'll have fits if something happens to you. They're rather attached to you," she said, wrapping the hand in the towel.

She guided him to the room; "Here we are," she said softly, reaching for the doorknob.

Kratos shook his head and put his own on it before she could. "I'm fine," he told her quietly. "Thank you."

Kerina set him with a doubtful look, but stepped back. "If that don't stop bleeding, go get Mom. She knows the city healer." Kratos nodded and waited for her to leave before opening the door and entering, stopping short just as he was about to shut the door, staring.

Yuan stared back, then saw the towel wrapped around his hand. "Are you okay?"

"No," Kratos replied darkly. "Leave."

"I-"

"_Now._"

Yuan's expession changed to one of concern. "What's wrong?"

"'What's wrong'?" Kratos replied incredulously, not believing his ears. What manner of mind-game was _this?_

The concerned expression deepened. "Mithos said you were ready to return to Derris-Kharlan. He sent me to-"

"To retrieve me?" Kratos burst out in a fit of bitter laughter; Yuan's eyes widened in surprise. The laughter died rather quickly and Kratos narrowed his eyes at the other Seraphim, shaking in barely supressed rage. "You can tell Mithos that he can take that giant rock and shove it straight up-"

"What the hell?" Yuan cut him off. "Kratos, you're scaring me! You never talk like this!"

"I am now, aren't I?"

"Yes, and that's why I'm worried!" Yuan spread his hands in an almost-pleading gesture. "What's going on? Where's Anna and Lloyd?"

"Like you don't know!"

"I don't!"

Eyebrows raised; "He really didn't tell you?" Yuan shook his head, bewildered by his old friend's behavior; Kratos started to answer a few times and failed. Dropping his voice to a whisper, he finally managed, weakly, "They're dead."

Yuan paled, and remained silent. Kratos realized that his friend's silence was questioning, and answered what was unspoken, "Anna became ill from her Exsphere. I was taking her to the dwarf at Iselia to ask him to make her a Key crest; Kvar found us there. He must have been visiting the Iselia ranch."

"Did Forcystus help with this?" Yuan asked quietly.

Kratos shook his head. "I do not know why. It was only Kvar and his men."

After another moment of silence, Yuan asked, "And her Exsphere?"

"Lost, as far as I know."

"A small, bitter comfort," Yuan murmmured. "Kratos, I'm so sorry." The other Seraph gave no response. "I'm leaving. I will not attempt to take you against your will, Mithos knows this. He has some explaining to do."

Yuan left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him; Kratos looked up at the cracked mirror, at his reflection, meeting his own eyes.

The eyes of a dead man.

With that thought, Kratos burst into laughter as insanity threatened him...


	7. Kinda Want to Be With You

I awoke first, my head pounding. My hands and feet were tingling and I shivered; the mountains of Hima were not the place to be trapped in the dead of winter, as it was now. I brought my hands closer to my body, hoping to stop the feeling from going out of them, and Kratos stirred, moaned, and rolled off of me.

We were cramped; we both had room to move and sit up without touching the other, but not by much. As such, I was dismayed when Kratos rose to his hands and knees and proceeded to throw up. It was pitch black; I couldn't see anything, and for that I was grateful, but without Kratos' body heat to keep me warm, I felt the full effects of the frozen air.

When his heaving had stopped, I asked him through chattering teeth, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," came the thick, pain-filled response. "I think I have a concussion."

"Then you're not okay," I replied, trying to sound smooth and unconcerned but knowing I was failing miserably.

"I will be." I should see a dark form that I guessed was him sit back and look around. He muttered a few words and a small light appeared in his hand.

I gasped at it. "How did you-!"

"... I have Elven blood. I believe my great-great-grandfather was an Elf. This is all I can do with it."

"So you're not a half-elf?" I asked, my momentary panic subsiding.

He smirked at me. "And if I was?" I didn't know how to answer that, so I just sat and shivered, rubbing my arms.

He crawled over to the caved-in wall, listening intently. A faint but distinctly frantic bark made it's way to my hearing; "Noishe!" Kratos responded. "Go to Hima! Get help!"

Another bark, and then nothing, and Kratos' face lost it's color. "Judging from the temperature, it's snowing." He looked at me, an apology etched on his face. "If that's true, they might not come for us until tomorrow. If we're going to survive the night, we must share our body heat."

I eyed him suspiciously. I couldn't feel my feet anymore, and I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. At least they didn't ache with the cold anymore. "What do you mean?"

He rolled his eyes. "Hug. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I did to, then you ran out on me over nothing," I snapped.

"That was something. That was most definitely something, Anna."

"Then _what?_ It wasn't the dance, it couldn't have been."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," I challenged.

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, firmly, "No."

I rolled my eyes. _You're right, I don't know you that well it seems. Shoulda seen THAT coming..._ "Fine. Whatever. Are we going to hug or what?" Wordlessly, he crawled over to me and put his arms around my shoulders; I put mine around his waist and we laid down like that, his lower arm cradling my neck. "If you puke on me, I swear I'll throttle you."

"Don't worry," he said smugly. "I think I'm done puking."

It helped. A little. For a few hours. The numbness was in my hands now, and I couldn't feel my lower legs at all. I was getting sleepy, too, so I started singing sofly to myself, starting when Kratos shook me hard. "Stay awake, Anna."

"I am awake," I said in irritation. "You interrupted my song."

"I did not. You stopped singing.

"I did?"

I felt him nod. "You're slurring, too. Damn..." I closed my eyes. He was worrying to much...

Again he shook me. "Anna! Don't go to sleep!"

"I'm not!" I replied drowsily. I couldn't feel my arms now. How long had passed since I stopped singing?

Again, he shook me. "_Anna!"_ he hissed in my ear. "Don't die on me. The night's almost over. Just a little longer."

"I won't..." I started. I didn't have the strength to speak. I realized then that I had indeed been fading in and out of consciousness and Kratos' fear was well founded. I was freezing to death. How he wasn't I had no idea, but I knew that I wasn't going to make the night. I was dying. The thought ran a shiver of panic and fear through me but there was nothing I could do about it but lay there in his arms.

At least I would die exactly where I wanted to be.

"... no choice..."

I started to look up at him but he put a hand on the back of my head and pressed me against his chest. _What are you talking about?_ I wanted to ask, but the frozen air was sucking my breath right out of my lungs. A dim, bluish light filled the tiny conclave, and a gentle warmth spread over me. I felt the sensation return to my body painlessly. "It's okay," Kratos said gently, but his voice had changed. It had a kind of ringing quality to it, like a crystal chime. "You can sleep now. Everything's going to be all right."

My last thought before falling asleep, almost against my will, was to question what in the world was going on. The warmth was gone when I awoke; Kratos himself was asleep. I swallowed a bit of panic and touched my fingers to the pulse point at his throat and relaxed when I felt it strong there.

His question from the previous night burned in my ears. Why _did_ I care if he was a half-elf? What difference would it have made, really?

His own waking with a slight groan startled me. He saw me awake after opening his eyes and smiled a bit. "I think we did it, Anna."

"What, survived that hellish cold last night? Barely," I replied with a snort, but couldn't help but smile back.

He sat up, shivering and rubbing his arms. I was about to ask him what that was all about last night when a faint, muffled bark drifted into the conclave; Kratos crawled to the caved-in wall and listened intently. "Voices," he said in a strangely tense voice.

I crawled over next to him and yelled, "Help!" at the top of my voice. Kratos cringed. "Don't you remember what happned last night?"

"Don't you?" I snapped pointedly in reply and repeated my cry for help; Kratos stared at me for a few seconds then added his voice to mine. We carried on for about a minute before Kratos motioned for me to stop. "They've heard us. We need to let them work now. If there's another landslide we _will_ die here."

We sat back, waiting and listening to the sound of rocks being moved and voices calling to each other. A blast of cold air hit us as a particularly large boulder moved from where it was and the face of the restaurant owner peeked in. "It's a miracle you're still alive!" he exclaimed, extending a hand. "The cold last night was deadly!"

"We almost didn't make it," Kratos replied, giving me a little push. I went without argument and took the owner's hand, who then pulled me up and out of the conclave. A fleece blanket was immediately thrown around my shoulders as he helped me step down the slope created by the landslide. Seconds later, with the help of another rescuer, Kratos popped out of the conclave, and another blanket wrapped around him.

We walked back in silence, accepted the same room assigned to us in silence, slept all day and most of the night, and left together still in silence. After a few hours of travelling like this, almost reaching Izoold- we both had the thought to go to Triet after that particular ordeal- Kratos started laughing. I glared at him. "What's so funny?" I demanded, confused by his unusual outburst.

He met my gaze. "We did this when we first met, too," he replied in an unusually cheerful tone. When my blank look told him that I didn't get it, he settled down. "We travelled in silence for the first day we were together. You didn't want me there."

I looked away. "Well, I kinda do now."

"Kinda?"

"Kinda."

"That's good," he smirked. "Because I 'kinda' want you here too. I got used to travelling with someone."

I smirked back. "But it could be anyone."

"Yes."

I shook my head and looked straight ahead again. _Well, I want **you** here, Kratos. _

_I love you...

* * *

_

_I love you..._

The words echoed in the man's head painfully. _No, stop it..._

_You have to..._

No.

_...have to kill..._

No.

_... to kill me..._

No!

His fist slammed into the cracked mirror, shattering it. Shards of the glass lodged in his knuckled but the pain went unheeded as he punched the mirror again. And again. And again. And again...

That _creature_ was still there, in the mirror, begging him to kill it, begging him to kill _her_, just like...

_Kratos, please! I... don't know... how much longer... I... can hold on... You have to! You had to kill me!_

Kratos stared down at the mess he'd just created. A shard of particularly large glass, one that had broke off on the first punch, caught his eye. He picked it up with wide eyes, transfixed by it.

Still the event replayed in the glass. The monster that was Anna was approaching his son. _"No! Anna, please, just hold on! We can go to Lake Umacy, we can-"_

_No! It's too late... I can't... our... son... needs... _

Kratos raised the shard of glass calmly and brought it back down on the edge of the table, breaking off that side of the glass. It now formed a point; Kratos touched the edge of the broken glass, not feeling the cut but seeing the blood well from his thumb where he moved it along the side.

_There was nothing I could do. I knew I was helpless to stop her, to save her... and now she was attacking our son again. Our **son**! Had she truly forgotten who that child was? Noishe was too weak now to defend him. It was up to me._

_Could I raise arms against my wife? _

_No, Kratos, please! **Save him!**_

The Seraph raised the glass again, staring into it intently. Dead brown eyes stared back. Shifting his grip on the glass ever so slightly, he raised it higher...

_That final plea gave me the strength I needed. Anna was gone with those last words; I raised my blade and-_

The pain registered in his head as the glass pierced his chest and a choking scream tore from his throat. Tears streaked his face, the scream becoming an agonized cry. He barely heard the door burst open, Kerina's own scream of horror. "It was supposed to be me!" Kratos howled through his tears, stumbling back against the wall and sinking to the floor. The innkeeper appeared at the door as well, and rushed to him. Kratos struggled against the innkeeper as he tried to pry Kratos' bleeding fingers from the glass.

Kratos' response was to shove deeper, struggling against the effort to save him. "Mithos wanted _me!_" he screamed at no one in particular. "Not Anna, not my son! _It was supposed to be me!_"

The innkeeper was screaming for help himself; two of the other guests appeared in the doorway. Upon seeing the scene before them both rushed forward and together they pinned Kratos to the floor as the innkeeper pulled the glass from the fallen Angel's chest.

* * *

Dirk sat bolt upright at the child's shriek of terror. The baby had nightmares every night since he found him and his mother- it had been what, two weeks? But Lloyd never screamed like _that!_ Rolling out of the makeshift bed he'd made to free up his own for the baby, Dirk ran to the other room of his little caves to the still-screaming child. 

Lloyd was clutching his chest, his tiny face contorted in agony as he cried. _My goddess, he's dying,_ was his first thought, but he put on a calm exterior and sat down on the side of the bed, holding the child as still as he could as he examined the toddler. Strangely enough, Lloyd didn't struggle like he usually did, he just clutched harder at his chest, tearing at it as if he was trying to get something out. _It was just a nightmare... that's a relief..._

Dirk held the baby as he sobbed. He started when the boy's tiny voice asked, "Daddy ishn't comin' fow me, ish he?"

Dirk's heart broke for Lloyd. "No, lad, I don't believe he is." Most people would have lied, he knew, but he truly believed the compassionate thing was to tell the child the truth. If Anna's story were true, then it was highly unlikely the man survived.

To Dirk's surprise, Lloyd took a shuddering breath, then clung to the dwarf and started crying again, more controlled and quiet this time. Dirk just rocked the child, laying out plans in his mind for a house on the edge of Iselia. A cave was nowhere to raise a child.

* * *

Kratos awoke to a warm feeling across his chest. He opened his eye to see Mithos sitting on the edge of his bed, hands hovering over his wound and radiating a healing magic. "Why?" Kratos demanded. 

"You're Origin's seal," the young teenager replied. "If you die-"

"You can find another seal," Kratos hissed, half from the pain and half derision. "It doesn't have to be me!"

"Yes it does!" Mithos exclaimed. "It has to be you, it has to!"

"_Why?_"

"Because I love you, stupid," Mithos snapped. "Now shut up or you'll hurt yourself more!"

A bitter laugh tore from Kratos' dry, cracked lips. "You _love_ me, Mithos? So much that you had to murder my wife and son?"

Mithos withdrew his hands, his gaze turned downward. "Kvar acted against my orders," he said quietly. "He will be dealt with."

This surprised Kratos, but he dared not ask what orders Kvar had disobeyed. "Please, teacher, come home," Mithos pleaded. "It's been what, almost five years? I miss you."

Kratos tried to chuckle but instead coughed weakly. "We've been alive four thousand years and you miss me after five?"

"You're my friend." Mithos sighed in resignation. "Please, Kratos. I know why you left. I've abandoned the Lifeless Being project. I just want my sister back now. Once Martel is ressurected, I'll reunite the worlds. And she will be this time. This Chosen has a mana signature almost identical to Martel's." Bright blue-green eyes met brown. "_Please,_ Kratos."

There would be no peace for him if he didn't go. Death would not take him, Mithos wouldn't allow it. Everything he'd done was meaningless. "All right," he said, leaning back against his pillow and closing his eyes in defeat.

Everything was meaningless.

* * *

**A/N:** I know it probably looks like it, but we're not done yet. There's an epilogue that explains Kratos' condition when he arrives in Triet at the beginning of the story. Stay tuned. 

There's one thing I wanted to address about this story. As this is the last chapter that has this style, it will be here and not the epilogue. I've had several comments about the style of the story, which I'm not sure I pulled off very well and probably won't do again. The intention of splitting it down the middle as it was was to try to put the reader in the kind of disoriented, confused position Kratos himself was in for his half of the chapters. I don't know if I succeeded or not, but it was certainly interesting to write.

Thank you for all the support in writing this fic. I would have abandoned it without the encouragement you've all provided. And thank you for bearing with this experimental story-telling style. It was a learning experience, and a pleasant one.

Joshua

P.S.- I now direct you to Kharlan. It is my baby, the story that I'm pouring my heart and soul into. Please read and review. It would mean a lot to me.


	8. Meaningless

Bodies lay everywhere. He had no idea where Kvar had escaped to, nor where his wife fell when he murdered her. He had been as positive as he could be that this was where his son and Noishe fell, but he was obviously wrong, again. All that was here were Desian corpses.

Kratos sank to his knees, his sword plunged several inches into the wet ground. He was soaked, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing.

Everything was meaningless.

Protecting Anna, loving her, the help Yuan offered them in evading Mithos, and the help the Renegades offered, whoever it was who led them. Lloyd's birth and now his death. Everything was meaningless.

Everything.

It was pouring out. He was soaked. He didn't care. He was cold. He didn't care. He just didn't care. His sole reasons for living were dead. _He_ was dead, a mere shell of a man. He eyed the edge of his blade, where it was in the ground. Just one quick slice across the throat, and-

"Kratos."

Kratos looked up abruptly, every nerve in his body searing at the sound of that voice. "Yggdrasill," he snarled heatedly, and then almost as quick as it came on, the fire in him extinguished. "Go away."

"You know I can't do that."

"Why? Why not?"

Yggdrasill landed, allowing his brilliant pink wings to fade. "Because I know what you're planning," he replied harshly. "The way you were looking at that sword. I cannot allow it. You are Origin's seal."

Kratos scowled; a flicker of that flame appeared in his eyes again. "So find another seal," he snapped. "Any of your dolls in Welgaia would be more than honored to do so."

Yggdrasill sighed. "I don't want one of my 'dolls' to be Origin's seal," he said in a bored tone. "I don't trust any of them enough to be Origin's seal. I don't even trust Yuan to be Origin's seal. I only trust you."

"So you will force me to keep on suffering?" Kratos demanded, the flicker growing to a spark.

"If you will suffer by living, then yes. You are coming back with me to Welgaia."

"No, I'm not."

Yggdrasill scowled. "Are you _still _trying to play house, Kratos?"

"Play... house...?" The spark suddenly burst into life, and Kratos was on his feet and his sword snatched out of the ground, lunging for Yggdrasill with a tortured scream. The Eternal Sword appeared in Yggrasill's grasp seconds before Kratos swung his blade at the blond half-elf's head; sparks flew and metal screeched as Flamberge and Eternal met and locked at the hilt. "You call that playing house?" Kratos shouted at him, barely containing his anger.

Yggdrasill simply smirked and dropped away, rolling from Kratos. The Seraph lunged again, plunging the sword downward blindly; Yggdrasill dodged easily and swung at Kratos' side; Kratos barely blocked, gasping with the force of the blow. "They were my life, Mithos!" Kratos yelled, using his superior strength to shove Yggdrasill away. "They were my world!"

A bitter smile took over the smirk. "Now you know how I feel about Martel, _teacher_," Yggdrasill snarled. "Don't speech me about losing someone you love! That's a lesson I learned well!" With that, Yggrdrasill lunged at Kratos, swinging his sword down and willing himself to be stronger than the other Angel. Kratos brought Flamberge up to block, and the Eternal Sword responded to Yggdrasill's wish.

Slowly, Yggdrasill forced Kratos to his knees, pressing down on him. Kratos strained against his old friend, finally deciding to attempt to break, but Yggdrasill suddenly threw a mass of mana out at the kneeling man. Kratos flew back, striking a tree and slumping down to the ground. He coughed, and a thin trail of blood trickled down his chin.

Yggdrasill approached him. "You will come now, Kratos."

Kratos looked up at him, hatred clear in his otherwise clouded eyes. "There's a difference, Mithos," Kratos coughed, too weak to fight back anymore. Yggdrasill raised an eyebrow in question. "I didn't... murder... that someone you love."

A look of horror came over Yggdrasill. The voice that came from the man's throat was that of the fourteen-year-old Kratos knew. "You think I- No! I didn't- Kratos, I ordered Kvar to-" Yggdrasill faded to the image of the teenaged half-elf. "I ordered Kvar not to hurt any of you. I-" Unable to continue, Mithos disappeared.

Kratos looked around in bewilderment as pain took him. His eyes fell on a stuffed toy, a raggedy rabbit with one button eye missing. "Lloyd..." He reached over and took a hold of the toy, holding it close to his chest. "Shh... don't cry... everything... everything will be all right..."

* * *

Credits: BBQBert, inspiration for Kratos' suicide attempt

Yuki Kajiura, _Vanity_, inspiration for the dance scene (HIGHLY recommend any of her work- some of her credits include .hack/sign and Noir)

For other scenes from the Tears timeline, see Defenseless and Lies of Omission.

**_Thank you, and good night!_**


End file.
